Rowan’s Rants – How Not to Hire a Freelance Copywriter

“Send over your CV and a covering letter, explaining why you’re a good fit for this project”



I’d rather peel my eyeballs and pee on them.

I see this all the time – companies looking to work with a freelancer, but treating the process of finding the right one like they’re recruiting a permanent member of staff, that they need to ‘interview’ (interrogate) and find worthy, rather than have a nice chat with, to see if there’s a rapport.

I don’t have a CV. Nor do I have a National Record of Achievement in a Maroon faux-leather binder. I also lost my National Insurance card some years ago (and failed GCSE maths 3 times, while we’re admitting to dark shizzle from our pasts)

I don’t need a CV, because (all together now)

My portfolio is my CV

My recommendations are my CV

My website is my CV

My reputation is my CV

I am my CV – the way I interact with you, the way I write these burnin’ hot posts on social media, the way people tag me on your post because they know I’m a copywriting cannonball, the fact that your friend Janet can’t stop raving about me…

Would Janet lie to you?

Has Janet ever lied to you before?

And no

I will not be agonizing over a covering letter to persuade you I’m better than the next guy

The last time I wrote a covering letter, I was applying for low paid, full time, entry level jobs after I left Uni with an utterly useless drama degree in my hand…


We’re not ‘candidates’ we’re freelancers. We each come with a completely different skill set and range of experience. Our own unique way of doing things. And when you approach us, the process is as much about us finding out if we can serve you well, as you figuring out if you want to hire us – a collaboration, not a ‘test’. A beautiful meeting of minds, not a grilling.

We’re freelance because we enjoy the freedom

Like wild horses, we cannot be tethered

We must run free

And like horses, we cannot fill in your silly forms asking how many years’ experience we have, what degree subject we took, and if we’ve ever written in your niche (please note, this is because we don’t want to, whereas horses can’t, on account of not hooves not fingers)

You don’t have to pay for our holidays or healthcare, for our equipment or our maternity leave, or when our kid gets sick

So don’t make us jump through your daft hoops like performing seals

Our time is money

And we don’t got no time or energy for a lengthy ‘application processes’

Especially if it’s for a one off job that will pay out roughly the same amount that we’ve lost through completing your epic form

We each have our own way of doing things when a prospective client gets in touch

So just get in touch, and watch us do our do…

Finding a freelancer is a wonderful lucky dip

Dive in

Don’t build barriers made of bureaucratic bullshit

PS: I just had to Google how to spell bureaucratic after getting it wrong six times

Don’t hire me

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